Loop
by NiteStar19
Summary: Spoilers from the Season 4 Finale of MLBCN. That's all I'll say.


**Me #1: Omg! Wasn't the season finale amazing?**

**Me #2: *sobs* No! My love square has been destroyed. Adrien obviously loves her. Why? Why? Why?!**

**Me #1: Oh. I mean we all know that Ladynoir and Adrienette is endgame.**

**Me #3: *sobs* Luka's and Kagami's hearts are going to be shattered. Luka and Kagami are so sweet! They don't deserve to be thrown into these love games. **

**Me #1: Where did you come from?**

**Me #3: I barely exist because I'm the part of you that refuses to be acknowledged. You always put some value above others.**

**Me #1: ...I mean Ladynoir, Adrienette, and Marichat are endgame. People would be outraged if Thomas did that.**

**Me #4: I mean it sounds like something Thomas would do just to make us go on this emotional rollercoaster. **

**Me #5: It's a ride that never stops once you buy the tickets. **

**Me #4: Yah! See Dark Me understands what I'm trying to say. **

**Me #1: Just where are you all coming from?!**

**All of the Mes except Me #1: We derive from what your consciousness. We are part of you that appear when you start thinking too much. **

**I'm so sad, depressed, happy, and bittersweet. I wasn't able to watch Loveeater on Sunday. So I had to watch it this morning and I literally burst into tears. I am in school as I am writing this. By the time I post this, it will probably be tomorrow or the day after or tonight or-. I need to stop. **

**Also (this is gonna sound mean), Adrien looked at Marinette like she was an angel when she had her hair down. But I was like "Ewwwwww! Put it back into pigtails or a bun or a braid". I was totally not okay with that hairstyle. **

**I wasn't sure 'bout y'all but I was totally getting kagadrinette vibes. But it broke my heart every time I saw Marinette's face just lose part of its shine when Adrigami was happening. Honestly, I'm torn between the ships, but I absolutely hate everything about Love Triangle, Squares, and Hexagons. I remember when Tomstar became canon in SVTFOE. I cried. Enough of this moping, it's time for the angst. **

**Based on Astrid S.'s The First One.**

* * *

**I know I shouldn't say what I'm 'bout to say**

**'Cause it's never okay to go and bring your exes up**

**No matter what**

Marinette had always hoped that Adrien would be hers. She always knew, however, that she had competition. A lot of hearts would break. Ties would be broken.

Over the time, Kagami had become her friend. But she always knew that between the triplets, she would be the one put aside.

Marinette obviously was selfish enough to fight for Adrien's love, but when Kagami came around, she couldn't fight against her. Kagami was a friend and a dear one at that.

She wouldn't mind that much.

Chat Noir used to try to make her jealous by saying short quips. Now those are gone.

**My second and my third, I hate they got the worst of me**

**They don't deserve the way that I was treating 'em**

**I'd lead them on**

Luka, bless his heart, loved her so much. Marinette loved him, too. But in the end, she realized that she was using him. Marinette acknowledged the fact that she couldn't give her whole heart to Luka. He doesn't deserve the way she was treating him. She was leading him on.

**When I knew what I was doing**

**I was stupid, I was ruined, I was healing**

Marinette thought that she was piecing her self together. She thought that she would once again be herself. The one that doesn't have to put up with all the responsibilities. The one that could quirky. The one where she didn't have to care what other people thought about her. The one that didn't have any burdens tying down on her.

**But the healing never happened**

**And I'm sorry that I did you wrong**

She felt horrible after learning that Luka was trying to bring her mood up. He was trying to help her by letting go of all of his happiness. She knew that it was wrong because she, too, did the same thing for the person she loved.

**I just can't forget some of the words he said**

**The memories in my bed keep coming back again**

She and Luka broke up. He was sad, but when she explained that she could never give him what he deserved, he understood. They parted ways. They kept being friends. But her heart always ached for the love that she wanted from a particular someone. Marinette keeps remember all the times that she tried to help him only to fall back to his status of friendship. Why? What made her a friend and not a lover? What made her platonic and her romantic? What was she friendzoned?

**Like daggers in my mind, yeah**

**They draw blood all night, yeah**

As Marinette looked at all the photos of him above her desk she couldn't help but cry. Not in sadness, no. But in anger. Not at him. But at herself. She was always put herself in second place. Or lower. She never was the first priority. Why did she never speak up? Why had fate always decide to mess with her? Why was her chances always ruined by life?

**Promise that it kills**

**Every time you send**

**A picture from a place**

**You and I used to go**

**I hope you know**

When she looked at her social media, she saw Adrien with Kagami eating icecream at Andres. She couldn't feel happy. She envied them. Envied what they had. Envied what she had. She, then, saw another photo: one of them taking a selfie at the front of the school. She could burst into tears at the sight. It was the same exact spot that she had fallen in love with him.

**To all the ones I ever loved**

**Never let you in enough**

**Not your fault I gave too much**

**To the first one, to the first one**

**To all the ones I ever hurt**

**Always knew it wouldn't work**

**Not your fault I gave too much**

**To the first one, to the first one**

**There ain't nothing I can do about it, yeah, yeah**

**No, there ain't nothing I can do about it, yeah, yeah**

The End.

* * *

(JK)

Just because she was facing heartbreak doesn't mean that she won't stop being Ladybug. As she transformed, the ladybug in her gave Marinette confidence and the will to look as if nothing has ever broken her. Ladybug raced from rooftop to rooftop to make her way to the Eiffel Tower. She sat down on the cool, metal slopes of the structure and looked at the city before her.

For the first time, she was disgusted by the city around her. The man made lights were too bright for eyes. They outshined the stars, the natural lights in the sky, making her eyes sore. The dark alleyways went on endlessly within the city, trashing the sides with rotting garbage. The corruption within the city was evident. Everywhere she looked, she saw one face sticking out at her. Adrien.

Artificial.

Everything around her was artificial. Nothing was ever real. Nothing was pure. Nothing paved the way clean.

With Chat's black figure racing towards her, she braced herself, painted her face with a smile, and made herself relaxed.

"Hello, LB. What's up?" he asked her as he sat next to her.

"The sky. Everything is just fine, mon chaton" Ladybug answered back.

"As much as I love you calling me "mon chaton", I'm afraid that this cat is taken, Ladybug. Someone has decided to adopt me into their life" he answered back, with a sly grin.

"What?" she asked, not following.

"I have a girlfriend!" he clarified, with a bright grin on his face.

Ladybug looked at him incredulously.

"A real one?" she asked, not sure if she should believe him.

"Yup! She has dark silky hair, deep, mysterious, amber colored eyes" he said with a soft look on his face.

One that was too similar that she saw on another's face. She could feel a dark, ugly feeling starting to grow in her.

"Wow! D- Do I know her?" she asked, looking away from his face.

"Now, if I answered that, my identity would be at stake! You know the rules, ladybug!"

She plastered a stone smile on her face.

"I'm so happy for you, Chat! You must be very lucky unlike your name!" she said as she gritted her teeth.

As always, Chat saw right through her.

"You okay, LB?" he asked her worryingly.

Ladybug looked at his face, then. She could feel the tears building up in her eyes.

"I'm totally okay. Of course, I am. I am Ladybug. I will be okay. I always have to be okay" she chanted.

The concern radiated off of him. At last she lost her resistance and started sobbing.

He moved forward to hug her, but she moved away immediately. No. She wouldn't allow herself to depend on another again. She wouldn't hurt another person.

"Ladybug? Are you okay? You can talk about it." He said, being the angel he is.

Her sadness turned into anger. The anger morphed into anger at him. His behaviour. How he acted almost exactly as her first love.

"Am i okay? Am I okay? NO! No, I am not okay. You want to know why? Do you really want to know why?" she asked, poking her finger at his chest.

Chat could see that Ladybug was not emotionally stable. He nodded.

"I turned you away, countless times. Again and Again for the boy that I loved. I loved him so much. But I was stupid. A coward. I never spoke up about my love for him. I loved him with every inch of my being. I would do anything for him. I- I love him enough to let him go. And I did. I love everyone enough to give up my own happiness. I sacrifice myself every single time, I help someone. Do you know how that feels, Chat? Do you?! Well let me tell you. It hurts. It hurts like your heart has been carved out of your chest using a shovel. Someone digging it out and then ripping it like it's a piece of paper"

Chat opened his mouth to say something but Ladybug ignored him.

"I became friends with her. She didn't have any friends. Just one contact in her phone. Not even his phone number was listed in the phone. Just her mother's. I realized that I was letting myself become too jealous and saw the fault in me. She was a great friend. She was almost like me. But do you know what's the difference between her and me? She's everything I'm not and more. She's graceful, while I'm clumsy. She's smart, when I'm adequate. She's skillful, while I'm just creative. She fights for her love, while I let it go for the sake of others. They were already close. They became closer. They were already friends. And guess what, Chat? She became more. And I was there all along. Right there. F***cking right there"

"Do you know what it feels like, Chat? Do you understand my pain?"

"Of course," Chat said, "you turned me again and again. You put me in the friendzone. You cast me away from time to time. Always telling me that I was in your heart. That I was important. I, too, was in love with you. You think I was just lying all along? I don't play with hearts, Ladybug"

Ladybug, laughed. But it wasn't a beautiful one. It was ugly, sarcastic laugh.

"Do you think I'm a liar, Chat? You think I was lying when I said that you were in my heart. Let me tell you something really important here. And listen to me close, because I won't say it again. If he wasn't in my life, then you would have been the one"

Chat, obviously not ready for this information, gasped. Ladybug didn't remember when she stood up. She didn't remember when Chat stood up. She started to stalk forward with a deadly gaze in her eyes. Chat started to move back.

"And let me tell you something that's different between you and me. You were able to move on. Bury that love and give love for another. I mean, look! You've got yourself a girlfriend," she laughed again, but then the laughing turned to crying, " But I'm still here. Alone. Loving him from afar. Unable to move on. Using others to try to move on. Try to feel the same feeling that I felt when I was with him. Hurting others in the process. Begging myself everyday to try to fall in love with another person. I'm stuck in this loop, Chat. And no one, not even you, can save me from this" Ladybug sneered.

Chat stared at her. His face was unreadable. His face fell.

"Everytime I hurt someone else, I get hurt, too. Everytime I sacrifice myself. I get hurt. Why is it always me, Chat? Why do I always get hurt in these kinds of things?" Her face morphed from anger to sadness.

Unable to articulate anymore words, she fell on her knees and sobbed. Chat walked over to her and sat beside her. This time when he moved to hug her, she didn't move away.

"I'm sorry, m'lady. One day, you will find someone who will love you so much that they won't let you leave them" he murmured in her ear.

With those words, Marinette finally smiled.

Perhaps she could love again.

* * *

**It is so hard to make a fan-fiction based on song lyrics. **


End file.
